adequacy & pillow talk
by zariwrites
Summary: You are enough for me.


**lmao. i usually write about anime. this is about a book. i don't even like this ship all too much. enjoy. **

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Clary's staring at him again, wondering how she managed to have someone who loved her. Someone like Jace. She brings it up subtly in conversation. Pillow talk. Morning talk. _Any _talk. Jace won't reply exactly. Sometimes he will kiss her senseless and she'll lose her thoughts to skin on skin and the heat of two bodies as one. Other times he will stare at her and then hold her like she's the only lifeline that's keeping her on Earth. Sometimes he'll completely divert the conversation to something completely off topic but Clary is so swept up in the he talks with such vigor to _avoid the subject _that she just goes along with Jace's antics.

Then one day, she finally gets her answer.

"I'm being serious, Jace," she declares, putting up a mental barrier to keep her from _kissing him again_.

"So am I," Jace replies, his mouth on her neck and _oh my God, what was I going to say_? _Oh that's right! Questions, relationship, why, got it. _

"Why me?" Clary asks, the finality in her voice slightly wavering, but it's there and it must have worked because she counts it a win when Jace moves to face her from where they're lying on his bed. And _what the hell, why does he look like a kicked puppy_?

"Why is it always this question?" Jace shoots back and Clary blinks but stands firm and sits up in bed, Jace rising with her.

"Because, it makes sense." Clary replies and her voice no longer wavers. It's strong but it's strong for _all the wrong reasons_. "I mean, you could have anyone, and I mean _anyone _but you chose me. I mean...what is there about me that there is?" _Other than the angel blood running through both of your veins,_ Clary's inner voice chides. _Hush up, you_, Clary pushes at the voice until it volume is all the way down.

"Are you being legitimately serious right now?" Jace questions, his face stony but it's not angry, no. The expression is sad and forlorn...like there's something he's not telling her. Clary swallows down the tears and the protests. _It's the angel blood, he's figured it out, oh God oh God oh God oh God _oh God. Clary braces herself but the words that come hit deeper than the words she thought she was going to hear.

"I think I should be asking that question, not you." Clary's eyes snap up to look at Jace but he's looking at the far away at something that Clary obviously cannot see.

"Jace that's–" Jace gives her a look that diminishes any thought of fighting him. Clary sinks within herself, her arms crossing over her midsection, and continues looking at Jace's stormy expression. She wants to forget the conversation and just wants to do _something_. She wants to kiss Jace and hold him and tell him that it's _fine _and that he _doesn't need to say anything else_.

"You are probably the best thing to _ever _happen to me, Clary. You know that, right?" Jace searches her face as Clary's mouth falls a small fraction open and Jace gives her a wry smile. "There it is; you're always thinking that you're not good enough. That you're not pretty enough or smart or clever or wise enough. Clarissa Fray, you are much _more _than enough. In fact, I do believe that you're more than I deserve.

"Every time that question that comes up in conversation, it's like something just wakes up in me and I have to keep thinking that I don't deserve _you_. Ironic, huh? You think you're not good enough for me, I don't think I'm good enough for you." Jace leaves it off with a laugh that sounds more like the winds through barren trees. Clary feels something drop in her being. It falls to her feet and it's cold and hard and something she never expected. His breathing kind of slows and his entire posture just kind of collapses on him.

And Jace's face. Oh _God, _Jace's face. He's looking at Clary like she brought the moon down for him with a couple of star thrown in for good measure. Jace just looks at Clary like - like she's the light a the end of the tunnel. _The best thing that ever happend to me_, is what he said. God, does he _know _how that makes her feel. It's not a bad feeling but it's not a good feeling. A person this wonderfully flawed and beautiful at the same time deserves to be happy. He could've had anyone but he calls her, Clary Fray, the girl with fire engine red hair and the weird art quirk, who likes to drink coffee to the background music of coffee shop spoken word, who hasn't ever attracted the attention of _anyone _except for her best friend, _more than sufficient. _She wants to tell him the same. Or rather, to scream the same at him. To yell at the top of her lungs that he is so much more than _she _deserves. She doesn't try to say anything, though, knowing her words will either be sobbed confessions of love or just be garbled jargon about being good enough and how Jace was wrong, wrong, _wrong_.

But she can't. So she kisses him fiercely, their mouths colliding like stars: explosions of a nebula into new possibilities and new systems. She molds her body to his and _keeps kissing him_. She has to keep him there; she has to make sure he knows that _he is more than enough._ She works his shirt off and he does the same to her, the need for contact evident to both. Clary tries to get lost in it all; the physicality of the relationship: the _here _and the _now._ She tries to avoid the looming question and knowledge that sits above them like a grenade suspended in the air, just waiting to explode. When skin comes in contact with skin and cheeks become flushed, they communicate. It's _I love you_'s with the gasps and breaths from swollen lips. In between the panting and the pleas are the words _You're adequate, more than_ just_ adequate_. But the most important words, they aren't there yet.

It's when they're tired and breathing hard but relaxed atop the pillows and sheets and Jace is just twirling his fingers through Clary's fire-red curls and Clary's hands are on Jace's chest . When they finally fall asleep, their calm breaths say it all as they mingle together in an indebted space.

_You are enough. So much more than enough. And I _love _you. I am grateful, so grateful for you. _

_You are enough _for _me_.

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**a/n: hey guys hope you enjoyed my endeavor into the mortal instrument series. i haven't been able to write in several days so i decided to clean my palate by writing about something completely new. so here it is. a clace fic. tyler, i hope you're happy you little shit. n/e way. i actually kind of liked writing this so if you want it to be continued and things, then i wouldn't mind writing more but i need "motivation" for it. not that i wouldn't keep writing it without it but it's nice to know that i can write about different stuff and people will still "like" it. thanks for reading. **

**~zari**


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